


Leafs of Silver and Gold

by unciadesu



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Inspired by Music, M/M, Making Out, One-Sided Relationship, Short One Shot, so it's not SUPER good, the first fanfic I ever wrote seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 05:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10655661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unciadesu/pseuds/unciadesu
Summary: One shot inspired by a beautiful french song by Pierre Lapointe called Feuille d'Argent et Feuille d'Or that was interpreted by Mathieu Holubowski at La Voix (Quebec version of The Voice)Another fuck friend story that crumbles apart.





	Leafs of Silver and Gold

He was awake but he made sure that it was left unnoticed. He didn't want to make any sound. He didn’t want to break the silence. He didn’t want this moment to end. He didn’t want Key to wake up. He wanted to be the vigil of his resting.

 

He wanted to keep his smell and the sound of his breathing next to him. He knew that, when the morning would come, Key would leave as if nothing happened.  

 

So much had taken place in this room and he hated himself for allowing the memories to slip away every time.  

 

Jonghyun wasn’t able to bring himself to confess his feelings to him. He was too afraid that Key would leave the room like every time they embraced each other. He was scared that this time, Key would turn his back to him for good.

 

Key opened his eyes lightly.

 

"Jonghyun ?" 

 

"Hm..?" 

 

"You can’t sleep?"

 

"No."

 

"Is there something on your mind?"

 

"No. Gwaenchanh-a, you can go back to sleep."

 

Key sat up. _No, not now._

 

"What time is it?" Key said in a sleepy voice. 

 

"Five," the other answered.

 

"Already? Have you been awake all this time?"

 

"No," he lied, "I slept a bit."

 

Four hours had passed since the music of moans and skin slapping had stopped. He had been staring at him since then and kept doing so.

 

Jonghyun approached his face from him and seized his upper lip between his in a sweet kiss. He took Key’s cheek in his hand and forced him to get closer.

 

He could hear both of their breathings getting unsteady. Key posed his hand on Jonghyun’s chest. The older kissed the side of his lips and then stopped. He looked straight in Key’s eyes and let his hand slowly fall off the other’s cheeks in a caress.

 

He then broke the stare as he was scared of the meaning the other’s eyes were holding. He heard his laughter and it made him want to cry. _Fuck._ «That was hot.» Key let out between breaths. He faked laughter. _Fuck!_  

 

The deal was to not bring feelings in this relationship. You open the door to the room and you leave your feelings in the hallway when you enter. That was the deal. In the end, he couldn’t keep his promise.

 

When he was still learning to know his sex partner’s body, he could withstand, but at some point, he started knowing him as a person and that led him into a labyrinth he couldn’t escape. Every route he took seamed to lead only to Key.

 

 "Is something wrong?"

 

Key was getting uncomfortable; he could hear it in his voice. The younger was smart; he couldn’t just act as if he didn’t understand his hyung’s feelings. At this point, they couldn’t lie to each other.

 

As he couldn’t find the strength to voice the truth he kissed him again. _Don’t leave me. Let me stay with you. Give me a role in your story, a place in your scenery._

 

He pushed him away. Key was looking down.  He wasn’t looking at him.

 

"Jonghyun, I…You know I can’t do this."

 

"I’m okay with the way we are right now."

 

Their eyes met.

 

The routes he had taken, the routes that only led to _him,_ they had many similarities. Not only they all had the same termination but they were all damaged. They were all formed by old broken cold walls that seemed ready to collapse near the end.

 

He looked down again.

 

"I wish you wouldn’t lie. I wish you wouldn’t have lied to me back then saying that you wouldn’t develop feelings and I wish you wouldn’t lie to me now saying that you are okay with how we are."

 

_I’m scared you will leave if I tell the truth. I’m scared I won’t be able to hold you and to kiss you anymore._

 

"I think I’ll just leave for tonight."  

 

He removed the covers from his legs and got ready to stand up. _I fucked up. I fucked up so bad._ He stopped his movement. "Hyung…I don’t think we’ll be able to continue doing this anymore. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t hate you. It’s just that…I like you enough to know I don’t want to hurt you."   

 

He stayed there for a couple of minutes. Jonghyun had sat back up and was watching his hands not knowing what to do and too scared to say anything.

 

_I want to be the person you can be comfortable with once again. I want to be the one you will come to when you will have tears rolling down your cheeks. I want to be the one that will wipe them away so that you don’t taste the salty water. I want to tell you that I’ll be there, that you are not alone anymore and that everything is going to be okay. I want to tell you that I love you._

 

"I want to be by your side. That’s all I want. Even if it’s only in bed...I just want to be with you."

 

Jonghyun turned his head to look at Key’s back. His head was slightly turned to pay attention to what the other had just said. His head went back down and he stood up.

 

Jonghyun watched him as he put his clothes back on in the opposite order that the older had helped him take them off four hours ago. He then watched him walk to the door and leave the room without looking back.

 

The room was back to being silent but neither could be heard the breathing of the one he loved nor could be smelled his scent or even simply his warmth close to him because he was gone and he wouldn’t come back.

 

He was awake and he wanted the silence to be broken once again.  

**Author's Note:**

> Posted before on Asianfanfics


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